Compulsions
So a funny thing happens when you’re on “hiatus” (aka not working) and you’re spending all this time with yourself. Stir in a couple days of insomnia and you really start to see something cook in your brain.
Today was a gloomy and rainy day here in NY. I had no plans or any desire to go outside. I taught myself a little more in Photoshop, I played around with the Blog a bit. I thought…a lot…about….a lot. Ever since I got back from the road trip, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting back and looking to the possible variations of the future. OK fine, I day dream. It’s apparantly the only time I dream these days since I’m not sleeping.
Anyway, I started to clean and ended up looking through my old journals. One of the things I’ve been thinking about since my trip is about writing. I don’t write like I used to. I miss it. I always have. But let me tell you that it is not an easy thing to pick back up. My mind just doesn’t focus or flow like it used to. But I’m reading some of the things I wrote. Some of it was hella cheezy, but some of it wasn’t bad. A lot of it was about love…or loosing it. Dear god, I really did torture myself. lol. I should have been writing soap operas.
Anyway, it made me pick up a pen and this is what came out. Don’t laugh. I’m out of practice.
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I am propelled by my compulsion
To be more than what I am
or seem to be
Because I am not what you see
Because you see only what I show
I am more than what you see
I am a perpetual mystery
An outsider living in
And when you are ready
I might let you see
Me.
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