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The Good Ish…

I haven’t been this tired from the weekend in a very long time. I was out 3 nights in a row, sleeping very very little. My girls from Toronto were back in town. Zaki was performing at the Brooklyn Hip-Hop Festival and as expected she killed it. While the purpose of the trip was to perform and network to push her EP (Eclectica: Episodes in Purple), it’s always a good excuse for the crew to connect and spend time with each other. Z, T and L are family to me. They are amazing and inspiring and I always have a full heart when I see them.

Growing up, I was tomboy. I had an older brother whose side I was not allowed to leave. So, I was always around his guy friends…all the way to high school. Even in high school, I always got along better with the boys than the girls. I was more into what the boys were into. My career path speaks to this, taking on roles that have been generally dominated by men in industries dominated by men. But by the time I got to college, i had met some amazing females who became my inner-circle aka The Pallies. While I love them all like sisters, I have still always been very different from them.

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  • July 5, 2008
  • In Random
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Synesthesia

When I was a kid, I always knew I had a crazy imagination. I would try to tell people about things I saw in my head, but everyone thought I was weird so I stopped telling people. One of the things I used to see was color or shapes or some kind of story unfolding when I would hear music. It’s not the video playing back in my head or anything like that, but my own little story made up in my own grey matter that no one else could see. But I guess that’s why I felt so connected to music. Most people just hear it…but I not only heard it but I could see it and feel it…like my blood cells were made out of clef notes.

As I got older and, DJ and producer friends would play new songs for me and ask me what I thought. At first, I didn’t know how to answer these kinds of questions other than with, “I liked it” or what ever. I remember one time, an ex was playing a beat for me that he had just worked on and I thought of a large field of yellow and white flowers. And that’s what I told him, like I was in a field of yellow and white flowers. The translation is…it was a very sweet and calming beat that makes me feel happy. Eventually, I learned to write how the music made me feel and what my actual thoughts were.

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The Loneliness is Palpable

I was watching reruns of Sex and the City the other day…the episode where Carrie meets Berger for the first time right before her book party. She is obsessing over him, but he has a GF. The context of the story wasn’t so much that she wanted to be with Berger, but that she wanted to be with someone. “The loneliness is palpable” she says.

How many of us feel that way. Of course our lives are too busy to think about this on a regular basis. Or maybe we make ourselves so busy that we don’t have time to think about our own loneliness hence creating what could be a vicious cycle. I admit, I’m guilty of this. I get so busy with my work that I don’t often have time to meet new people or date. And when I take the time to slow down, i find myself feeling that loneliness and need to find something else to fill the space. Of course I spend time with my friends, but I’m finding them pairing up more and more these days. So of course, it reminds me that I am not paired up and it drives me back to work.

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